This evening while at dinner with a couple of old friends on the occasion of the husband’s 66th birthday, the conversation turned to what our adult children are doing now.
“Why doesn’t she sub at Arlington Tech? It’s so close to home,” he asked.
“Couldn’t he do some volunteering if he’s not looking for a job?” she wondered.
At first, I felt uncomfortable, knowing that these two friends are all about going and doing. In stark contrast to this, both our daughter and our son are at points in their lives where simply being is a shared joy for them.
For the first time since they were toddler and baby together, neither one of them is in school, and we are giving them time to find their own paths.Time to breathe. And they are both happy! Not stressed, not anxious, not worried about what comes next - at least not outwardly so.
There is no tension between us and them, especially since they willingly help out in little ways here and there around the house. It’s a joy to be with them at this moment in their new lives.
As I tried to explain this to our friends, I could see the confusion cloud their faces, especially her face.
“How will he learn to assert his initiative if we are always planning his next move?” I asked. “He’s been much happier, more conversational and very present with us. And he no longer disappears into his room for hours at a time.”
Sometimes I wonder if we are wise in this way of thinking, or simply becoming lazy and negligent in our parenting as we age. Is doing the enemy of being? Or is it the other way around? Time will tell. But also, what’s the rush?
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